i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
