Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
