i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
