The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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