I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
