my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
