i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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