put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
