even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
