I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
