I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
and you fell through a lawn chair
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
