Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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