I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
