You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
