dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
