All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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