You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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