My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
