why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
