never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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