you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
