And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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