How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Buhtt sex?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Randomize
