as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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