He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
