Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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