how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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