i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
