trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
