i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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