i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
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