someone get that fucking seahorse.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
