I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
