Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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