We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My dick has a subreddit
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
