My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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