Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
