Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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