oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
