I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Can Purell be used as lube?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
