You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
