I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
