THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
