Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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