I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
