What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
