I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
