so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
