In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
