But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
